Friday, April 25, 2003

I love the Dixie Chicks. I really do. I love them even more now than I used to.

The Boss loves them too:

Bruce Springsteen posted a statement on his Web site supporting the group: "For them to be banished wholesale from radio stations ... is un-American."

And he's fucking right.


Just look at the picture if nothing else.... That's what I'm talking about!

Thursday, April 24, 2003

Open mouth. Insert foot. Chew liberally, as my friend Emery would say.

Or as Uhura might say on Star Trek: Captain, all signals have been crossed!

I just quoted Star Trek, didn't I? I definitely need help.

So he's been deathly ill all the while, it seems. And I made myself look the fool. Though at least he admits he should have called. I haven't seen him since last Thursday - with our history of hanging out or talking every other day or so, what am I supposed to think?

I know, I sound loony. But this will be part of the conversation tonight:I just realized that in the past three years I've only allowed two new people into my life on any permanent basis. My friend Mary I met my Senior year in college and my friend Christopher I met right after graduation. Basically three and two years ago, respectively. Everyone else is from what I term pre-David time. Since the suicide, I've been very stand-offish about letting anyone close and this boy is definitely feeling the effects of that. I'm very prickly still.

Add to that, I haven't been close to a man since Richard a year ago, and he's getting the full brunt of it. I suppose my mind assumes that if Richard could up and leave me with no warning after five months - when we were _in_ a relationship and supposedly in love - then it shouldn't be hard for someone I've barely known a month to do the same thing. Without warning.

This is going to take work. And honest talk like we had last night.

What a muddle feelings always make of us. Wading through past feelings always being the most treacherous.

"I want so badly to believe that there is truth, that love is real" - The Postal Service.

Wednesday, April 23, 2003

Refraining from sappy moping today. Class will help with that. And I'm going to drown my sorrows with Katy later which will be just perfect.

Brother helped me quite a bit yesterday.

"And I want life in every word to the extent that it's absurd" - The Postal Service

Words I'm clinging to.

Oh, and in case I haven't mentioned it - I hate men. And women. And relationships. If I thought I could get away with just fucking, I'd do it, but I know that makes me sad too.

Monday, April 21, 2003

And, now, a little fact about me. I have Heterochromia. Read below to find out more:

Definition

Heterochromia is the presence of different colored eyes in the same person.

Considerations

This condition is relatively rare in humans. However, heterochromia appears quite commonly in dogs (such as Dalmatians and Australian sheep dogs), cats, and horses.

Heterochromia in humans can appear either as a hereditary trait unassociated with other disease, or as a symptom of various syndromes. Rock star David Bowie has heterochromia.

***
Sharing a rare condition with David Bowie...really, what could be better? And my Heterochromia classifies as an hereditary trait, _not_ as part of a disease. Just so ya know.
The past is the past is the past, a wise man once said. Or so I assume he once said. It seems like a very enlightened thing to say.

Right now, that's about the only thing I'm sure of.

I had a great weekend. No boy though. If he picked last night to avoid me...well, that's silly. Painting eggs isn't a very daunting task. Especially not for an artist! One would think.

We'll see if he calls at all or if he's just going to board himself up in his room and mope. I'd rather imagine him doing _that_ then thinking something is truly wrong.

But, I swear. A bit of courtesy after one has made plans is not too much to ask, is it?

Perhaps I didn't call early enough and, if that's the case, we both dropped the egg so to speak.

*drumroll please* Yes, that was a terrible joke. I'm going to get my teaching supplies ready now so I can mope around a bit more myself.